*waves

why do weekdays crawl and weekends fly? *sniff sniff*

i had a busy week last week. and this week will be just the same. i really don't like this kind of so-called arrangements. sometimes i'm super free. and sometimes i'm super busy. it's like all my clients have planned to give instructions at the same damn time. and all of them go on vacation at the same time and stop contacting me. stupid!

last month i was so free i had nothing to do. imagine that. i'd even asked my colleagues whether they needed any help. now it's entirely different. i'm so busy i don't know what's the meaning of free anymore. i need to wind up two companies and sue someone for bankruptcy. all at the same time. stupid. i'd just finished one last month and i thought i could breathe for a while. sigh. and all the divorce cases are suddenly a pain in the ass. clients are either too emotional. or too eager to get divorced as if they want to re-marry tomorrow. or they are such bastards you hope you can punch them in their faces. and the 3500 letters of demand. plus all the miscellaneous cause papers which must be prepared within this week. sigh. working life sucks.

i had a bad night. couldn't sleep until around 3 in the morning. then i woke up every hour. until 7 something. it was so exhaustive. i woke up feeling dead this morning. wishing i could apply for leave. but too much needed to be done in the office. sigh.

on a lighter note. i'm currently reading 'until i find you' by john irving. it's great! but it has like 900 plus pages. when will i finish it? i only read a few pages before i go to bed everyday. i think i will take months to finish this one.

did anyone grab anything from mega sales? i sure did (:

05/07/2009

my silence doesn't amount to agreement.

i am just too lazy to explain.
why bother?
they won't understand anyway.

♥

i'm trying to decide. should i follow my heart or my head? heart doesn't care about how things will turn out. what is good and what is bad. heart tells you what you want. head thinks about every possible consequences and analyses every single details. head doesn't allow you to choose what you really want because you're supposed to think about the consequences. no?

it's a crush when your heart is crushed.

i took seven months to forget. and i'm actually glad that it was over now.

i've changed my playlist again. this time it is filled with love. i once teased my friend you only listen to love songs when you're in love. which is wrong. because most love songs are heartbreaking. i find love songs depressing sometimes. other times they make me smile. currently listening to 'nothing's gonna change my love for you'. my all time favourite. and 'tonight i celebrate my love'. 'don't know much'. 'valentine'. and i still love listening to 'there you'll be'. and 'take my heart back' which reminds me of the movie 'if only'. and this whole week i've been listening to 'my immortal'. even in the office! my favourite part: "these wounds won't seem to heal. this pain is just too real. there's just too much that time cannot erase." the thing is. time does heal. but not entirely. no? there are still so many songs that i love. and i'm enjoying them now (:

finally!

*thumbs up*

a better monday

weekend flew by in the blink of an eye. it's great when i don't have to go to work. it's greater when i can go shopping without looking at the time. and lying on my bed reading my novel during the day. music in full blast. and watching the sun shines through my window. it's indescribable. the joy i feel when i see the sun light. although i still hate having to walk under the hot sun (:

aftermath

it was great for some. disasterous for others. we were not in any position to express our feelings. we had no rights to complain. we just went with the flow. nobody was taking note of the so-called luxuries and shows. the pretentious smiles and grins. the only thing left was the picture of two people from different world riding back together towards the castle. questions were raised. but no answer was given.

i'm happy. and i talk a lot. although it won't last forever. i know that i have what i want at this moment. and that is enough. 3 hours and 48 minutes of happiness is better than none. i felt jealousy. i felt anger. but those are insignificant now.

the invitations. the surprises. the ignorance. the colour which i love the most. the big grin. and all the unanswered questions. it's a life in a magic blender (:

after 7 days

it was a plan no one agreed on. yet everyone was anxious to know how it went. the more uninterested you showed. the more they wanted to know how things turned out. then you wonder whether you were the victim or the star. because all of a sudden you were the center of attention. the truth was you think everything was pointless. when the drama queen was no longer one. you knew something was really wrong. and when gossip girl stopped searching for clues and spreading half-true stories. you know the gossip was not worth her time anymore.

on a lighter note. all of us are going to my house this evening. preparing for a dinner which will surely be boring. beauty products are compulsory. cocktail dresses are prepared. hair products are optional. accessories are bonuses. but toiletries are provided :) we might not have a great time tonight. but we will have some fun. i know all of us are under tons of pressure lately. a little bit of fun is going to be a luxury.

if you know you're meeting bastards and bitches. you prepare shields. AND swords!

friday

i was furious today. all the nasty words were about to escape when i realised it wasn't worth it. it was true. they wouldn't even understand what i wanted to express anyway. so i calmed down and told myself it was not worth the effort. guess i've learned how to cope with idiots. i realised i was giving myself a hard time by thinking about all the things which make me angry and sad and disappointed. because i can't change anything. i shouldn't have thought about them. but it's kind of inevitable. so i just have to be patient.

*~*~*~*

when everything is wrong. i grab my novel and an ice-cream. take the lift down to the pool side. and lay on the sun chair. enjoying the wind (if i'm lucky enough to have a windy day) and the sun (without sun block since it's spontaneaous). enjoying my ice-cream and novel. all the shouts and screams and cries made by kids in the baby pool won't annoy me. i've switched to friendly mode. i'm escaping from my miseries. and i'm trying to understand how others can have happier lives (at least this is what i see).

*~*~*~*

the black dress. the invitations. the never-ending jealousy. the diamond necklace. the distractions and the pleasures. sometimes realities were mixed with dreams and desires. and we can't really differentiate between what's there and what's not. what we want and what we have. the impossibilities and unpredictable events are what we crave for. the force which tempt us to the end.

18/06/2009

因为自己没有那么幸运.
所以必须任人摆布.
可是她的智慧也只是有限公司.
让她指示我做事.
我的心理肯定不平衡.
渐渐觉得自己开始不再尊重她.
不把她放在眼里.
我知道他们拿我没辙.
又怎样?
整间公司里就只有我一个敢胡作非为.
因为我的心理最不平衡.

weekends

are for me to have my 14-hour beauty sleep and watch lots and lots of series and eat plenty of snacks and gain lots of weight *hip hip hurray*

even weekdays are for me to gain weight. my department is full of snacks! we bring new snacks almost everyday. and i can't resist snacks. endless eating makes me fat. proof? i can't fit in quite a few pants of mine now *sniff sniff* BUT i'm still munching. sigh.

i've finished watching gossip girl last week. it's so addictive. and now i'm a bit blue because it's over. looking forward to the next season *big grin* i heard season 3 is releasing soon! can't wait.

here. is where my ramblings begin. caution! you've been warned.

awaiting my next clue. it's kind of like treasure hunt. you got the first clue. and one led to another. you searched for more clues. eventually you found the treasure. sounds simple. but in real life it's not. because it seems that all the clues are hidden. and we're trying to chop off trees and look through cracks in walls to search for tiny clues which hopefully will lead us to bigger clues. which we need more effort to analyse and crack codes and think real hard for the correct one and only answer and hopefully eventually will lead us to the end of the stupid big dark cave.

once in a while. i crave for dreams which are sweet enough to tempt me to go to bed earlier. but it's rare. because dreams are like realities. you don't always get what you want. and i definitely have no idea what i'm going to dream so there's no point going to bed early. plus i'm still trying to finish my novel. and i've bought reader's digest to distract myself from a lot of things.

currently watching lie to me.

it's really nice *thumbs up* watch it! you won't regret it (: